Oreo Transcript

TECHNICIAN:

We've got a picture.

 

BEN:

Hi, I'm Ben Cohen (or a reasonable facsimile thereof). I started Ben and Jerry's, but there are some things in life that are even more important than ice cream. So now I'm working with TrueMajority.org, over 300,000 of us that are taking America back (from the current craziness).

 

Here's one of the things we're working on - the federal budget effects everybody but it's so big that nobody can figure it out.

 

FEMALE AUDIENCE MEMBER:

Federal budget...What do I care?

 

BEN:

Whadda you care? It's your money. And it's why college scholarships have dried up, our public schools are broke, and there's 12 million kids growing up in poverty. Well, these are serious problems. Now, I'm a dessert guy. So when I'm faced with a serious problem, I think about...dessert!

 

In this case, Oreo cookies!

 

Let's say one cookie equals 10 billion dollars. The Pentagon's annual budget is forty cookies or four hundred billion dollars a year. So how much do you think we spend on this other stuff?

 

Not much. And that's why our schools don't work and children are left out in the cold. The government makes it sound like it's impossible to solve these problems, but it's not. Here's how we could do it...

 

Just take 5 cookies a year off this pile. Use 1 cookie to rebuild our schools, 1 to eliminate our need for mideast oil, and 2 to feed all of the six million starving kids around the world. Then take the last cookie, (you've all done this before) and use half to provide health insurance and a quarter to provide Headstart for every kid that needs it. You can eat the other 1/4 cookie. But remember, that's 2.5 billion dollars. Try not to choke!

 

MALE AUDIENCE MEMBER:

But that's gonna make our armed forces too weak. How are we supposed to pay for our nukes and our new jet fighters and submarines? We'll be vulnerable!

 

BEN:

Vulnerable to who? Russia, our highest spending potential enemy, spends 7 cookies worth - and they're actually an ally. The military budget of china, the next highest spender, is 5 cookies - and they're a major trading partner.

 

FEMALE AUDIENCE MEMBER:

What about the axis of evil? We need those cookies to help fight terrorism!

 

BEN:

Those guys combined spend less than one cookie. Not even a whole cookie!

 

So as you can see... it's possible to pay for all these social needs, and still have more than enough left over to deal with these guys.

 

MALE AUDIENCE MEMBER:

You're starting to make sense, ice cream man, but there's gotta be more to it than tossing cookies around. How can I accomplish anything? I'm just one person!

 

BEN:

Well, we're all just one person. But, TrueMajority puts us all together in such a powerful way that politicians sit up and take notice. So if you want to do something about the way our cookies are crumbling, join TrueMajority. It's free, it's fun, and it only takes about 2 minutes a month.

 

 

Thank You Movie

 

BEN:

Well, Thanks for registering. We've already been successful on rolling back Bush's new nuclear weapons program. And now there's an important election coming up...

 

DICK CHENEY:

Look at that! He just recruited another one! If we don't keep our eyes on these guys, they could foil our plans!..."

 

GEORGE W. BUSH:

Jesus, I think he just ate our surveillance budget!

 

BEN:

You'll start getting e-alerts from TrueMajority. It takes less than a minute to read the alert. And then, if you agree on the issue, all you need to do is click reply and then send to generate a free fax from you to your congressperson. It's like having a direct line to Washington. We monitor congress 24-7.

 

Version 2   03/12/05